i'm doing a thing where i'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes and in addition to using patches and nicotine lozenges i'm also writing d100 tables instead of smoking. also writing tables if i fuck up and smoke.
so get ready for lots of great tables
i'm taking suggestions for tables on the discord
cw there's some fucked up shit in here
d100 ways to become a werebeast
1. Kiss the beast
2. Get scratched by the beast
3. Get bitten by the beast
4. Consume a bit of the beast’s fur
5. Consume a bit of the beast’s blood
6. Yiff the beast
7. Look into the eyes of the beast
8. Walk through a doorway with some of the beast’s scat on your boot
9. Receive a curse from a witch
10. Piss off the gods
11. Please the wrong gods
12. Sacred pact with a vengeful spirit
13. Kill your parents
14. Practice cannibalism
15. Kill a man in cold blood by moonlight
16. Eat food prepared by a widow on her period without having it cleansed first
17. Curse the name of the ancestors
18. Eat the flesh of a deer whom you killed for sport
19. Wear your clothes backwards and circumambulate a temple backwards, chanting the compassion mantra backwards
20. Fail in a your promise to an ape
21. Sleep with the fingernails of a man hanging from a gibbet under your pillow
22. Don’t say “bless you” when someone sneezes
23. Steal from an orphan
24. Spit on a holyman
25. Eat a meal while others starve without offering to share it first
26. Sleep in an open grave during a thunderstorm
27. Break fast on a cross-quarter day that falls on a full moon
28. Bewitch three people into carnal favors
29. Poison a child
30. Drown a baby in a cesspit
31. Push an old man down a flight of stairs
32. Drink the blood of a virgin from a skull chalice
33. Laugh during funeral rites
34. Be put on trial for killing a family and get released from punishment despite being guilty
35. Poison a well
36. Hold a person accountable for a debt they can’t pay in such a way that their death results
37. Live with wild animals for one year and a day
38. Have the Zoanthropic ritual performed: a surgical procedure which destroys the frontal lobe in such a way as to render one a beastial lunatic. Usually performed on the criminally insane as a punishment, though occasionally voluntarily chosen.
39. Drag a man to death through the streets in full view of his children
40. Forcefully remove the dignity of an already humiliated person as they die
41. Kill someone in cold blood who previously saved your life
42. Desecrate a holy site of the Eight Great Saints
43. Enact a policy which evaporates the livelihood of an entire town for personal profit
44. Eat 84 ghosts
45. Entomb a man up to his neck in ice and set his hair on fire
46. Cut open a pregnant woman and strangle her with her own fetus
47. Have your brain implanted into a frankensteinian vessel
48. Transmutation by evil sorceries
49. Step into a teleporter and be fused with an animal
50. Live like such an animal for 101 days.
51. Be trapped in a cage and fed nothing but raw meat for a year and a day
52. Live in a sewer eating filth
53. Have sex with a severed head
54. Crush a child in a cider press and drink the remains
55. Tar and feather yourself with pine pitch and raven feathers, jump into a volcano, and live
56. Eat an entire 80 pound wheel of cheese
57. Break into every single house in a town of at least 100 residents and cut a piece of a hair from ever occupant, wear a pair of leggings woven from said hair while you set fire to a temple
58. Have yourself sewn into the corpse of such an animal
59. Dress as such an animal and kill one victim a night for an entire moon cycle without being seen
60. Be buried alive along with such an animal and survive
61. Petition the primal deities for intercession and refuse to pay when they come to collect
62. Have one piece of your body surgically replaced with an equivalent part of such an animal every year until complete
63. Have an entire platoon of captured enemy soldiers dipped one by one into molten gold
64. Exterminate an entire species of animal
65. Stuff a wickerman full of people, set it on fire, and run into the flames
66. Survive the spell “forlorn encystment” 4 times
67. Kill a saint
68. Execute an executioner with their own tool
69. Fart in a man’s face
70. Bake a baby into bread and serve it to her mother
71. Kill a man by tying him down and planting a tree in his stomach
72. Invert a goat
73. Attach wheels to everything you see
74. Murder a planet
75. Piss on a fairy
76. Eat an entire horse in one sitting
77. Trade skin with said animal
78. Swim to the bottom of the ocean and punch poseidon in the dick
79. Curse a gnome
80. Get cursed by a gnome
81. Eat the wrong kind of mushroom
82. Eat the right kind of cactus
83. Drink your own pee for 444 days
84. Drink sand instead of water for 444 days
85. Brew wine from the contents of 99 men and get totally wasted, barf, and brew that barf into wine and drink that
86. Cut your hand off, bury it, come back 33 years later, dig it up, and re-attach it. The new hand will slowly take over your body transforming you
87. Eat nothing but earwax and wood shavings while meditating in the desert
88. Chase the god of antelopes down in the tundra, tackle him, and drink his blood
89. Ask a werebeast nicely to please share
90. Commune with the fur deities
91. Try and fail to quit smoking cigarettes 44 times
92. Stop sleeping
93. Avoid seeing the sun for 666 days
94. Allow your fingernails to grow for at least ten years, cut them off, powder them, then eat them a tsp at a time for the rest of your life. As long as you eat the powder every day you can transform and continue to live. Whenever the powder runs out you die.
95. Get struck by lightning and live 13 times
96. Be born on Friday the 13th at 3:13 during a full moon
97. Piss off the rat god
98. Burn down an entire forest
99. Forget to apologize
100. Be a jerk one too many times