d100 ways to become a werebeast

 i'm doing a thing where i'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes and in addition to using patches and nicotine lozenges i'm also writing d100 tables instead of smoking. also writing tables if i fuck up and smoke.

so get ready for lots of great tables

i'm taking suggestions for tables on the discord

cw there's some fucked up shit in here

d100 ways to become a werebeast

1. Kiss the beast

2. Get scratched by the beast

3. Get bitten by the beast

4. Consume a bit of the beast’s fur

5. Consume a bit of the beast’s blood

6. Yiff the beast

7. Look into the eyes of the beast

8. Walk through a doorway with some of the beast’s scat on your boot

9. Receive a curse from a witch

10. Piss off the gods

11. Please the wrong gods

12. Sacred pact with a vengeful spirit

13. Kill your parents

14. Practice cannibalism

15. Kill a man in cold blood by moonlight

16. Eat food prepared by a widow on her period without having it cleansed first

17. Curse the name of the ancestors

18. Eat the flesh of a deer whom you killed for sport

19. Wear your clothes backwards and circumambulate a temple backwards, chanting the compassion mantra backwards

20. Fail in a your promise to an ape

21. Sleep with the fingernails of a man hanging from a gibbet under your pillow

22. Don’t say “bless you” when someone sneezes

23. Steal from an orphan

24. Spit on a holyman

25. Eat a meal while others starve without offering to share it first

26. Sleep in an open grave during a thunderstorm

27. Break fast on a cross-quarter day that falls on a full moon

28. Bewitch three people into carnal favors

29. Poison a child

30. Drown a baby in a cesspit

31. Push an old man down a flight of stairs

32. Drink the blood of a virgin from a skull chalice

33. Laugh during funeral rites

34. Be put on trial for killing a family and get released from punishment despite being guilty

35. Poison a well

36. Hold a person accountable for a debt they can’t pay in such a way that their death results

37. Live with wild animals for one year and a day

38. Have the Zoanthropic ritual performed: a surgical procedure which destroys the frontal lobe in such a way as to render one a beastial lunatic. Usually performed on the criminally insane as a punishment, though occasionally voluntarily chosen.

39. Drag a man to death through the streets in full view of his children

40. Forcefully remove the dignity of an already humiliated person as they die

41. Kill someone in cold blood who previously saved your life

42. Desecrate a holy site of the Eight Great Saints

43. Enact a policy which evaporates the livelihood of an entire town for personal profit

44. Eat 84 ghosts

45. Entomb a man up to his neck in ice and set his hair on fire

46. Cut open a pregnant woman and strangle her with her own fetus

47. Have your brain implanted into a frankensteinian vessel

48. Transmutation by evil sorceries

49. Step into a teleporter and be fused with an animal

50. Live like such an animal for 101 days.

51. Be trapped in a cage and fed nothing but raw meat for a year and a day

52. Live in a sewer eating filth

53. Have sex with a severed head

54. Crush a child in a cider press and drink the remains

55. Tar and feather yourself with pine pitch and raven feathers, jump into a volcano, and live

56. Eat an entire 80 pound wheel of cheese

57. Break into every single house in a town of at least 100 residents and cut a piece of a hair from ever occupant, wear a pair of leggings woven from said hair while you set fire to a temple

58. Have yourself sewn into the corpse of such an animal

59. Dress as such an animal and kill one victim a night for an entire moon cycle without being seen

60. Be buried alive along with such an animal and survive

61. Petition the primal deities for intercession and refuse to pay when they come to collect

62. Have one piece of your body surgically replaced with an equivalent part of such an animal every year until complete

63. Have an entire platoon of captured enemy soldiers dipped one by one into molten gold

64. Exterminate an entire species of animal

65. Stuff a wickerman full of people, set it on fire, and run into the flames

66. Survive the spell “forlorn encystment” 4 times

67. Kill a saint

68. Execute an executioner with their own tool

69. Fart in a man’s face

70. Bake a baby into bread and serve it to her mother

71. Kill a man by tying him down and planting a tree in his stomach

72. Invert a goat

73. Attach wheels to everything you see

74. Murder a planet

75. Piss on a fairy

76. Eat an entire horse in one sitting

77. Trade skin with said animal

78. Swim to the bottom of the ocean and punch poseidon in the dick

79. Curse a gnome

80. Get cursed by a gnome

81. Eat the wrong kind of mushroom

82. Eat the right kind of cactus

83. Drink your own pee for 444 days

84. Drink sand instead of water for 444 days

85. Brew wine from the contents of 99 men and get totally wasted, barf, and brew that barf into wine and drink that

86. Cut your hand off, bury it, come back 33 years later, dig it up, and re-attach it. The new hand will slowly take over your body transforming you

87. Eat nothing but earwax and wood shavings while meditating in the desert

88. Chase the god of antelopes down in the tundra, tackle him, and drink his blood

89. Ask a werebeast nicely to please share

90. Commune with the fur deities

91. Try and fail to quit smoking cigarettes 44 times

92. Stop sleeping

93. Avoid seeing the sun for 666 days

94. Allow your fingernails to grow for at least ten years, cut them off, powder them, then eat them a tsp at a time for the rest of your life. As long as you eat the powder every day you can transform and continue to live. Whenever the powder runs out you die.

95. Get struck by lightning and live 13 times

96. Be born on Friday the 13th at 3:13 during a full moon

97. Piss off the rat god

98. Burn down an entire forest

99. Forget to apologize

100. Be a jerk one too many times